Each post will be different, and perhaps unconventional, reflecting my values and those of my work. Let’s call it a pick ‘n’ mix without the calories. (Flashback to the Woolworths days anyone?)
How we remember them
As UK residents and many others around the world mourn our Queen this week, it makes me want to explore how we commemorate someone we've lost in general.
Of course, a lot will depend on what the person meant to us and others. We might look through items they once owned and keep them close (both the items and the person!) In planning a funeral or celebration of their life, we think about their favourite songs or hymns. I remember my Gran insisting we played David Essex's 'A Winter's Tale' to see her out, no matter what time of year it was. Some form of eulogy often reveals things we didn't know. A reminder of special sayings or mannerisms. We might scatter ashes in a beloved location or make sure a final resting place is with significant others. One thing we've done for centuries and across cultures is lay flowers. It's been very moving seeing pictures of all the beautiful bouquets decorating London and Windsor over the last fortnight.
Collective grief brings people closer together. Such public events to honour the Queen have had a lovely way of improving connection in what can be a very disconnected world. We can share stories and silence in reflection. But we can also have our own private time for tribute, visiting a grave or lighting a candle.
There are so many other ways and even if I knew them all, I couldn't possibly list here. There's also no set instructions on how to remember someone. It's so important we do it in the way that feels right for us.
Thursday 22nd September, 5:23pm
Tribes
Although we don't live in tribes in the same way as we used to in the cave man days, they are still vital for our wellbeing. That sense of connection and community is very much needed to release our happy chemicals. Something we may have been deprived of during the pandemic.
A tribe can mean something different to everyone and we can have many. It might be our family, a group of friends, colleagues, or people we share similar interests with. I'm lucky to belong to several tribes, and some are very small, only appear once a month (writers group), or year (Swanwick). Others have been there on and off my whole life (friends and family.)
I was reminded today when I visited old friends/colleagues after a networking event in the town I used to work. We can drift in and out of touch with people as we move on, into different life stages but the bond is still there. It doesn't mean we no longer have an alliance with them. I found myself reverting back to the collective 'we' on many occasions - us against the world.
I loved the TV series from New Zealand as a teenager (pictured above). The children form their own tribes when a virus wipes out all the adults. (Not so science fiction/ post apocalyptic now!) They dressed up in vibrant outfits and decorated themselves in wonderful forms of self expression. Most importantly, like any good show, it was about the relationships between the characters and how they found a sense of purpose and belonging in an uncertain world. That to me is a powerful message both then and now, and any time really. It's together we can make it through the tough times.
You might like to think about the tribes you have in your life, or the ones you'd like to have. How do they help you?
Thursday 15th September, 6:24pm
Stress Balls
These simple and cheap tension relievers are honestly so underrated and this is why:
It's all about the senses
You can take them with you
They're cheap
It's a mini workout/good for our wellbeing
Repeated use
We have someone called Patrick Hummel to thank for the stress ball, as he brought them to life in central Indiana in the mid-1980s. Thank you Patrick!
Thursday 8th September, 5:55pm
Your Battery
I wonder how many times a week or day our phones, laptops, fit-bits or other devices need charging. I expect all of these things beep, go red or just turn off if we don't plug them into electricity sharpish. Once we do, they sometimes take a while to get back up and running. So why do we think our bodies and minds are any different?
When we sit or lie down or go to sleep, we can imagine an invisible cable linked up to a huge power supply. But we can also get some more bars (no, not of the drinking kind) by walking in nature, getting a massage, changing our scenery or routine etc. I say this a lot, but we're human BE-ings, not human DO-ings.
We don't get a choice. As I'm writing this, my laptop is flashing at me because it's gone down to 20% battery. I can't say "Hang on, it's not convenient right now. If you wait an hour then I'll plug you in." We try to push through life like this though and then wonder when we fall down exhausted and can't function at all. If we listen to our device's needs, they're clear. We need to be clearer with ourselves. For instance, I'm feeling at 30% right now so after my call this afternoon, I'll go for a walk. I know this brings up my energy levels.
So, yes, it is our NEEDS charging when you think about it. Please do something about yours when you see the warning.
Thursday 1st September, 2:55pm
A Calming Workshop for Fellow Writers
Last week I had the absolute pleasure of giving my first 'Writer specific' workshop on stress, at my favourite Derbyshire retreat - Swanwick.
Yes I was nervous, but a few minutes in, I got into the flow, felt the energy and was able to really enjoy it. I can't tell you how much fun I had putting the material together for the talk. It was, what's becoming, my usual mix of informative chatter and silly props. This time with tailored prompts to get the creative juices going and help my participants to help themselves.
I was blown away by the positive feedback after the event. All the lovely people coming up to me to say thank you for a great hour, and letting me know how much it helped them understand their habits better.
I never had anything remotely resembling confidence until I was in my mid 20s. If you told me any time before then that I'd be giving workshops to 30+ people, I would have either laughed at the sheer fantasy or be shaking with anxiety. I'm so glad I feel the fear, try not to overthink it and do it anyway.
The moral of this story, and that of my workshop, is we can't magically rid ourselves of stress and anxiety but we can find ways to rise above it and soar.
Thursday 25th August, 3:48pm